Emotional Intelligence for Managers: A Guide

Great leaders are hard to find. That’s partly because the skills that make someone an effective leader — like the ability to motivate, inspire, and unite individuals — are generally not taught.

When we attend college or complete workplace training, the emphasis is often on technical skills. But when it’s time to progress in the workplace, the most common career advancement includes a promotion to management — many times without an education in, well, managing.

While there are many ways to improve management and leadership skills, focusing on your emotional intelligence is a powerful place to start. In this article, we’ll take a closer look at emotional intelligence, discuss why it matters for managers, and outline several actionable ways you can improve your own.

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The Four Components of Emotional Intelligence

Do you know your IQ (intelligence quotient)? What about your EQ? While emotional quotient (EQ) may be harder to calculate, it’s no less important.

EQ is a measure of a person’s emotional intelligence (EI). Emotional intelligence refers to how well you can understand and influence yourself and others. Psychologist and author Daniel Goleman, PhD is credited with popularizing the concept of EI in his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. According to Goleman, EI has four main pillars:

1.    Self-Awareness

2.   Self-Management

3.   Social Awareness

4.   Relationship Management

Below, we’ll dive into these four components of emotional intelligence and discuss them in the context of people management.

1. Self-Awareness

As a manager, you shouldn’t let your emotional state dictate your interactions in the workplace, but it’s difficult to control your emotions if you don’t know what you’re feeling.

“If your goal is to build a bridge and you get triggered and you say something provocative, then the bridge isn’t built,” explained Eugene Dilan, PsyD, SPHR, founder and CEO of DILAN Consulting Group.

That’s why self-awareness — the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, thoughts, and actions — is so crucial. When you’re aware of what is most likely to create an impulsive urge to react, it becomes easier to recognize these situations and the feelings they prompt in you so you can prevent a knee-jerk reaction.

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2. Self-Management

Emotionally intelligent people experience the same range of emotions as those with a lower EQ — they just know how to manage them better. High-EQ leaders respond, whereas others may react. Reacting implies an instinctual reflex, whereas responding is more thoughtful and deliberate and requires time and reflection. 

“The emotionally intelligent person recognizes when it’s an appropriate time to say something and when it’s not,” Dilan noted. 

If you’ve ever worked with a hothead, you know how challenging it can be to be around someone who can’t self-regulate. Your employees shouldn’t have to face this concern with you. 

As a manager, your team looks to you to set the tone. If you react in anger or exasperation, tensions can run high and feelings can be hurt. When you take a moment to process information, manage your knee-jerk reaction, and respond calmly in a difficult situation, you can make more informed decisions and lead more effectively.

3. Social Awareness

In its simplest form, social awareness is the ability to “read the room” — picking up on the emotions of others and understanding what an appropriate response might be for the situation. Social awareness can help managers uncover the interpersonal dynamics that impact teamwork and stir up conflict. It can also spur empathetic decision-making.

For example, if a manager can picture how they feel being criticized in front of their coworkers, they may be less likely to subject an employee to that embarrassment, opting instead to ask the person to chat privately.

The key component of social awareness is empathy, and empathetic managers have an outsized impact on the workplace. In a 2023 EY Consulting study, 87% of respondents said that empathetic leadership leads to positive change within the workplace, and 85% said it increases employee productivity.

To reap these benefits and more, organizations can offer leadership development training that focuses on soft skills like empathy. 

The best leaders create a culture of openness where people understand the value they provide and feel they have an opportunity to contribute.

4. Relationship Management

“There is a huge difference between being a manager, a leader, and an effective leader — one who garners results but also respect,” said Lori Scherwin, executive coach and founder of leadership consulting firm Strategize That. “That difference is empathy.”

Empathetic leaders earn trust and respect, two crucial elements of strong relationships and two foundations for a high-performance work culture. Through conflict resolution, praise and recognition, and relationship management, emotionally intelligent managers foster environments where employees can thrive.

“The best leaders create a culture of openness where people understand the value they provide and feel they have an opportunity to contribute,” Scherwin said. 

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence for Managers

Emotional intelligence has been researched extensively, and its benefits for performance and leadership have been proven time and again.

‍A 2023 analysis of more than 100 sources on the topic reiterated these findings: “Our in-depth review of the articles has shown that emotionally intelligent leaders improve both behaviors and business results and have an impact on work team performance. It also highlighted a positive relationship between emotional competence and team members’ attitudes about work.”

High-EQ leaders have strong communication skills and can feel rewarding to work with. Plus, when emotionally intelligent managers cultivate a work environment where employees feel comfortable expressing ideas, sharing critical feedback, and asking questions — all hallmarks of a psychologically safe workplace — companies are more creative, adaptable, and innovative.

High emotional intelligence can not only benefit your team and your company, but it can also help make you a better leader. HR consultant Emily Goodson explained, “Building your EQ will support you in creating relationships with peers and supervisors, but it’s also really important for self-management, which is essential for any leader.”

Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Manager

While leading others might never be easy, improving your EQ will make you a more effective leader, creating a more meaningful workplace for everyone. But how do you know whether your emotional intelligence needs a tune-up?

In your next self-evaluation, check for the following signs that you need to improve your emotional intelligence with these questions:

5 Steps for Improving Your EQ 

There are some universal practices you can incorporate into your day-to-day interactions to improve your emotional intelligence. Here’s what experts recommend.

1. Ask questions to foster open communication and psychological safety.

Asking questions gives you information and signals to your direct reports that you want to hear what they have to say, which supports an environment of psychological safety. By asking your staff members direct questions, you’ll learn more about what’s working in their individual roles, as well as where your help is needed to remove roadblocks and provide resources.

Scherwin said to ask questions earnestly, with a true eagerness to learn. “Ask out of curiosity, not judgment.” She recommended asking open-ended questions like the following:

• How are you? How’s it going?
• Where could you use the most help? 
• What can I do differently to ensure you are successful? 
• What do you need MORE of from me? 
• What do you need LESS of from me? 

Prompting your direct reports to share feedback in this way can give them the motivation they need to offer valuable insights and information that will help the whole team. 

2. Practice active listening to build stronger relationships.

A cornerstone of effective leadership, active listening indicates to the person speaking that the listener values what they have to say. Dilan explained, “The thing that emotionally intelligent people understand about listening is that it’s not just about understanding, it’s about making people feel heard.” And, he added, feeling heard “is truly the foundation of a good working relationship.” 

An active listener provides clues that they’re engaged and following the conversation. This can include gestures such as making eye contact, nodding along, and providing verbal cues like “Mm-hmm.” It can also be helpful to repeat back the gist of what the speaker has said, ending with, “Is that right?” to confirm that you’ve accurately understood what they shared.

“People are motivated when they feel respected and heard,” Scherwin said. “The more you get buy-in rather than simply direct others, the better their productivity — and ultimately yours.”

Emotionally intelligent people are always calibrating how much feedback they give.

3. Focus on feedback for continuous improvement.

Feedback helps us understand how others view our performance and experience their interactions with us. When done right, feedback fuels success for individuals and companies and expands the sense of psychological safety in teams. But when done wrong, feedback can breed resentment, insecurity, and frustration in the workplace. 

Emotionally intelligent leaders are good at giving and receiving feedback.

Giving Feedback

As individuals, we all respond best to different types of feedback, and managers with high EQ know how to fine-tune advice so it’s best received. They tailor their feedback to each team member because they understand how each person processes criticism.

“Emotionally intelligent people are always calibrating how much or how little feedback they give,” Dilan said. “They also know that people have different currencies for feedback, and understand that feedback or recognition will be most effective when delivered in the appropriate currency.”

Receiving Feedback

High-EQ leaders also seek feedback from those around them, both their direct reports and their peers. Emotionally intelligent managers understand there is a power imbalance that may keep direct reports from criticizing them. For that reason, high-EQ leaders look for various ways to elicit feedback from their employees, including casual check-ins, one-on-ones, and more formal upward reviews.

Emotionally intelligent leaders also seek peer feedback to improve their performance. Scherwin recommended cultivating a “personal board” — a group of peers to turn to regularly for input. “Keeping regular dialogue with a group of trusted advisors, formal or informal, keeps you on your toes and gives you a safe space to bounce off ideas and get advice or help as desired,” she said. Feedback supports self-awareness, and “self-awareness is key if you want to empathize with others,” she added.

4. To maintain composure and professionalism, know your triggers.

To avoid reacting impulsively in emotional situations at work, study what sets you off. Don’t be blindsided by your own emotions. “Know your triggers and take notes on them,” advised Goodson.

If you react with frustration in a certain situation, Goodson recommended asking yourself the following types of questions afterward:

• What happened in that meeting that made me so angry?
• Was it that I was interrupted?
• Was it who I was interrupted by?
• Was it something that was said?

Then, take some time for reflection and introspection. Look for patterns and create a plan to avoid having the same reaction next time. While everyone loses their cool now and then, feeling emotionally triggered doesn’t excuse poor behavior — so work to improve yours, especially in situations you find triggering.

5. Commit to developing further.

As you work to improve your emotional intelligence skills, note any areas where you feel you need extra development. Maybe you’ve come a long way with self-awareness but your relationship management could still use some work.

You may notice these opportunities during a self-evaluation, in response to feedback you’ve received, or just in the middle of the workday. In any case, write it down. Consider setting a goal for yourself, and track your progress with a tool like Lattice OKRs & Goals.

Supporting EQ Improvement With Lattice

For work to have the capacity to provide meaning, connection, and community, employees need to feel safe and supported. When employees feel free to express themselves, share feedback, make suggestions, and try new ideas, they connect more deeply with their work and colleagues and perform at a higher level.

As an emotionally intelligent manager, you have the opportunity to create such an environment for your employees. To bolster your emotional intelligence, know your triggers, listen to feedback, and set goals for continuous improvement.

From self-assessment to goal-setting, Lattice has your back. To learn more about how Lattice can support you as a manager, book a demo today.