How to Give Your Boss Feedback Without Sounding Like a Jerk

Giving upward feedback can be tricky, but it’s essential. Without the insights of their direct reports, it’s hard for managers to identify and work on weaknesses or blind spots. But not everyone welcomes constructive feedback, especially from someone they manage. 

The secret to giving upward feedback that really lands is striking a balance between professionalism and candor. But it also requires knowing what to say and when to say it. If you’re not sure how to get that balance right, AI can help double-check your feedback — so you don’t sound like a jerk. 

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Why You Should Offer Upward Feedback

People want feedback, and managers are no exception. Upward feedback — an employee’s review of their manager’s performance — can help leaders improve by learning what’s working for their team and how their actions may be perceived. 

“Upward reviews often provide leaders with insights that they are not aware of,” explained Roberta Matuson, president of Matuson Consulting and author of Suddenly in Charge: Managing Up, Managing Down, Succeeding All Around. “You can’t change something if you don’t know it’s broken.”

If managers don’t receive any employee feedback, there’s often a disconnect between how they perceive their performance and what their team thinks. A 2024 study from Gallup found that two of the biggest gaps between employee and manager perception relate to sharing recognition for good work and how frequently feedback is provided.

The easiest way to reveal — and resolve — such gaps? Upward feedback from their teams. This kind of feedback helps managers:

• Consider how to make changes that benefit them and their teams
• Understand how their leadership style is perceived by their direct reports
• Align their managerial style to match what their team needs
• Improve the engagement and performance of their team
• Boost team trust, morale, and psychological safety
• Build a culture of accountability and trust
• Work on their professional development
• Uncover weaknesses and blind spots
• Model a growth mindset

An obvious time to share this kind of feedback is within performance reviews, but often, it’s better to give more informal feedback. This allows managers to adjust their approach in the moment.

Holding back feedback for too long isn’t a good idea, but it’s still important to choose the right time and place to speak with your boss.

When and How to Give Your Boss Effective Feedback

Before sharing your point of view, take a moment to reflect. Consider what you want to say, the best way to say it, and how receptive you think your boss will be. If you’re sharing negative feedback or what you want to say is coming from frustration, see if you can pinpoint why you feel that way. 

Making some rough notes about what you want to say can help you plan how to share constructive criticism and increase the likelihood of a positive outcome. Once you know what you want to say, you’ll need to choose the right time and place to deliver your feedback. 

Tact is key, so rather than giving feedback in front of others, it’s best to ask for a private meeting. Because context and tone can be misread in many of the ways we communicate, in-person feedback is ideal. If a face-to-face discussion isn’t possible, request a short video meeting or phone call instead of emailing or messaging. 

Places Where It’s Okay to Give Feedback to Your Boss

• During a one-on-one: One of the main reasons for one-on-one meetings is to encourage regular, open communication. Companies with the strongest feedback cultures use these meetings for honest feedback in both directions: from manager to employee and vice versa. 
• During a check-in session before or after a meeting: While giving feedback during a meeting might be a little awkward, using the time before or after can be a good idea. You might want to share what you’re hoping to accomplish in the meeting, what went well, or how any issues could have been addressed differently. 
• During a performance review: These reviews are supposed to offer an accurate look at how you’re doing. If your boss is affecting your performance, this constructive feedback is essential for helping you both improve. 

Places Where It’s Not Okay to Give Feedback to Your Boss

• During an all-hands or team meeting: Giving feedback can be uncomfortable, but doing this in front of others is inconsiderate to your boss. After all, they have feelings too. Even if it’s tempting to say something in the moment, it’s unlikely your manager will truly be able to listen and absorb the information. 

• While your boss is explaining something new to you and your team: You don’t know how much preparation your manager may have put into whatever new system or idea they’re looking to implement. Rather than question it in front of the whole team, make some notes to help frame a conversation at a later date.
• When in a meeting with a client or external stakeholder: These kinds of meetings are never the place for upward feedback. It’s always best to show a united front and save any feedback for a more suitable time and place. 

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Examples of Upward Feedback

There are plenty of topics you might want to give your boss critical feedback about. Some of the most popular include workload, miscommunication, project management, and managing expectations. 

Finding the right words to start these conversations can be tricky, so we’ve included some scripts and specific examples to get you started. To help you prepare for a meeting, using AI beforehand is a great way to shape the conversation and make sure your feedback is on point. For each category, we’ve included examples of AI prompts to help you get started.

1. Workload

When you’re overwhelmed by work, it can be hard to summon the courage to talk to your manager about burnout. But this is an essential conversation. It’s better to be honest about your limits before it becomes a serious problem. 

Try these examples to get the conversation started:

• “I can tackle this, but only if we extend the deadline of [x]. It feels great that you believe I’m the right person for this project, but I’d appreciate more flexibility from you on the timeline.”
• “When you assign high-stakes projects, I feel like a valued team member. But I need more clarity on how to prioritize multiple major projects and would appreciate us deciding on a timeline together.”
• “You’re great at communicating big ideas, but I could use more detailed explanations for complicated tasks. This project is more complex than I expected, and I would appreciate some support in figuring out different approaches. How do you recommend I structure it?”

AI Prompts 🤖

• Help me write a few professional and respectful sentences to tell my boss my workload is too high, while still demonstrating that I’m a hard worker who is committed to my role. 
• Provide some examples of ways to tell my manager I feel close to burnout. I want to find a solution without making it seem like I can’t handle pressure. 

2. Miscommunication 

Miscommunication is a part of life, and sometimes your manager might say one thing and mean another. If you’re confused by something your boss has said, it’s always best to get the full story. By asking for more information or context, you can avoid making assumptions about what they meant. 

To encourage clearer communication, try these examples:

• “Can we discuss [x] in more detail? I’m getting mixed messages about [x] and would appreciate some more clarity on how to move forward.”
• “I was surprised to hear you speak that way about [x]. I’m not sure what you meant, but I would benefit from some added clarity. Can we discuss?”

AI Prompts 🤖

• Suggest a respectful way to tell my boss that a recent miscommunication left me feeling confused, and suggest ways we can avoid this in the future. 
• Help me explain to my manager that I sometimes need clearer direction before I can start a new project, while still reinforcing that I’m a capable and proactive member of the team. 

3. Project Management 

If you’re feeling lost, overwhelmed, or unsure how to tackle a project, sharing some upward feedback with your manager can alert them to any oversights or areas for improvement. 

Try these examples when requesting changes to your manager’s approach to project management:

• “I’m having some trouble with [x]. I don’t think I’ve received enough training to get the hang of it on my own, and I would appreciate more support from you. Could you walk through it with me?”
• “I’m struggling to understand your vision for this assignment. Do you have any templates I can review to make sure I’m on the right track with this project?”
• “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by [x]. Do you have any best practices for managing this that I might be able to test out?”

AI Prompts 🤖

• Help me ask my manager for more regular check-ins for this project, so everyone is kept in the loop. 
• Suggest how I can tell my manager I need more time or resources to complete a specific project, without sounding like I’m struggling or missing deadlines. 

4. Managing Expectations

Maybe you’ve got a clear idea of how to complete a project, but it might be totally different from how your manager expects you to approach it. But a manager’s role includes making expectations clear and accessible, so if that’s not happening, it’s best to let them know. 

Try these scripts for requesting additional clarity:

• “What does success look like for [x]? I want to make sure I understand your expectations for [project y], but I haven’t received many details about what you’re expecting.”
• “It seems like you want me to do [x], but I had previously thought this was about [y]. Could we set things straight so that I understand your expectations better?”
• “Can we go over [x] again? I know you told me about it a while ago, but I could use a refresher on the details.”

AI Prompts 🤖

• Write a few examples of how to ask for clearer expectations around when each deliverable is due, especially when priorities shift and we’re working on multiple time-sensitive projects. 
• Help me create feedback for my manager by requesting more frequent check-ins for priorities and expectations, so we can stay in better sync, especially during busy periods. 

Tips for Giving Your Boss Feedback

To make sure upward feedback really lands, follow these tips:

• Check your tone. Giving feedback can make you feel vulnerable, which might create some emotional reactions. Staying calm and using a neutral tone can help you deliver your message clearly — and make sure your boss hears what you have to say. 
• Talk in person. When possible, try to deliver feedback either in person or via video call. Written communication means your manager misses out on nonverbal cues like your tone or body language. It also means they can’t ask for immediate clarification. 
• Give feedback as soon as possible. While it’s important to choose the right time and place, it’s also important to address any issues quickly. The sooner you bring up a problem, the easier it is for your manager to address it. 
• Focus on work. Good feedback, whether positive or critical, focuses on the impact of your manager’s actions or behaviors, not their personality. Try to keep feedback constructive and work-related. 
• Take one thing at a time. To avoid overwhelming your manager, stick to one issue at a time, and only bring up another if it’s connected. Make a note of anything else so you can bring it up at a later date. 
• Be solution-oriented. Sometimes, it can be easy to point out problems without thinking about solutions. But good feedback also includes suggestions for how to improve things in the future. 
• Offer positive feedback. You probably like it when your hard work is recognized, and your boss is no different. Sharing feedback about things you think your manager does well, like mentoring direct reports or clearly laying out expectations, can help encourage more of what’s working and end the meeting on a positive note. 
• Use AI to test your feedback. Before your meeting, run any feedback through an AI tool to check for things like tone, clarity, and bias. Not sure what that might look like? Here are some AI prompts to get you started.

For great feedback, try these AI prompts. 🤖

• Review the following feedback I’m planning to give to my manager. I want to make sure it’s professional and respectful while still being honest and constructive. Suggest improvements to the tone or phrasing, if needed. 
• Can you help me rewrite this feedback so that it’s focused on solutions?
• Review this feedback and help me frame it in a way that focuses on finding a solution, rather than just pointing out an issue. I want to share a concern without sounding overly critical, so suggest improvements to the tone or phrasing, if needed. 
• How might my manager interpret this feedback? Suggest improvements if it sounds too critical or defensive. 

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