How to Give Your Coworker Feedback Without Sounding Like a Jerk

If there’s one thing that makes most of us squirm at work, it’s the F-word. 

Feedback. We crave it for ourselves, but are rarely taught how to give it effectively. 

So when the big moment comes, we feel itchy and awkward — like we’re heckling a comedian halfway through their punchline. And even if we think we’ve got something worth sharing, it’s really easy to second-guess our motives, misread the moment, or flub the delivery without actually offering anything helpful.

Here’s how to give your coworker feedback in a way that builds trust, creates a positive work environment, and transforms uncomfortable conversations into an opportunity for growth.

Benefits of Giving Feedback (Even When It’s Hard)

Most of us think feedback is solely about the recipient — after all, we’re offering pointers to help them change their behavior, not our own.

But when we make the extra effort to get peer feedback right (we’ll get to this bit in a minute), it can ripple beyond just the recipient, having a positive impact on both the giver and the broader team. Feedback can:

• Improve performance and productivity: Organizations tend to focus on fixing what’s wrong when it comes to giving feedback to boost performance. But a 2024 study on the impact of feedback on employee performance found that positive feedback is actually more beneficial for performance and productivity than negative feedback. 
• Support personal growth: Feedback is essential for employee development, giving employees a sense of their growth opportunities and areas of improvement. This means they’re more likely to seek out new challenges and learn the skills needed to progress long-term, which are both linked to long-term retention.
• Boost collaboration: Effective teamwork relies on openness and trust, and feedback is an integral part of building that relationship. A 2018 classroom-based study found that regular rounds of peer feedback contributed to improved team performance and confidence in sharing feedback. It also increased participants’ organizational citizenship behaviors — the extent to which employees will go the extra mile beyond their role to create a positive work environment.
• Improve recognition and belonging: Positive employee feedback makes our efforts at work feel seen, valued, and connected to our team. Beyond recognition, it also reinforces a company culture where everyone feels they belong. 

When and How to Give Your Coworker Feedback

Feedback may be woven into your company culture, but that doesn’t make giving it to a peer feel any less messy. It’s not always easy to figure out the difference between helpful constructive criticism and an emotional reaction in a trench coat. 

Nicole Eisdorfer, PhD, HR business process optimization analyst at Vail Resorts, calls this the perception ladder. It’s defined by your ability to take stock of how much of your urge to give feedback is an emotional reaction, and how much is legit. 

“Perspective-taking is such an important part of giving good feedback,” she explained. “When I train leaders in giving feedback, I often use the ladder of inference analogy to help them understand how to separate their emotional response from the actual feedback.

“At the base of the ladder is what actually happened,” Eisdorfer added. “Higher up is our interpretation of it. A lot of times when we want to give feedback, we’re hanging out at the top of that ladder. Our response is based on an emotional reaction.”

The best way to climb down the ladder and pinpoint the feedback you want to give is by asking yourself a few key questions:

• What’s your end goal? Are you trying to change a recurring behavior, solve a process issue, or are you just feeling frustrated?
• Does the feedback need to be shared? Especially if you’re sharing negative feedback, consider if your feedback will genuinely help the other person.
• Can you substantiate the feedback? What evidence do you have to support your perspective? Is it based on something observable or measurable, or are you leaning too much on your own opinion or hearsay?
• How and when will you share it? Delivery and format matter. Are you planning a face-to-face conversation, an email, or a call-out on your company’s praise wall? Do you know how the recipient will respond?
• Are you the right person to share it? Will the feedback land coming from you — or would it be more impactful coming from someone else?

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How to Pick the Right Moment for Feedback

Feedback can’t always be a perfectly scheduled event. The best time to say something won’t necessarily present itself on a silver platter — it might be the messier moment mid-project where you feel obliged to speak up (or forever hold your peace).

That said, there are some windows of opportunity where you can position your feedback to stick the landing.

• When you’re asked for it: When people ask for feedback directly, it’s a sign of trust. But don’t feel pressured to give your feedback right away. Clarify what type of feedback your coworker wants — and if you need to, take time to formulate your response.
• In performance conversations: Regular feedback that forms part of performance management processes supports high performance, new skills acquisition, and long-term professional development. You can use 360-degree reviews and peer mentoring check-ins to proactively identify areas for improvement and personal development.
• After finishing a project: Wrapping up a project with a coworker is the perfect time to reflect on what worked and what didn’t. In longer projects, try implementing feedback loops at key project milestones. In a group setting, retrospectives work well, but for individualized feedback, take the time to share reflections one-on-one.
• When something is time-sensitive: If an employee didn’t turn in a piece of work, or it feels like something’s about to derail in real time, giving feedback in a timely manner is critical. Make sure your feedback provides clear next steps to help move things forward.

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When to Hold Off on Giving Feedback

The most important part of giving feedback is knowing when to read the room. 

A stressful project, personal life woes, your relationship with the recipient, or even catching them on the fly when they’re not expecting it can all change how well your message lands.

“We’re always told to give feedback as close to the event as possible,” Eisdorfer noted. “But getting your feedback to land well is a question of timing. If your coworker has just delivered a presentation, or they’re halfway out of the door at 5 PM to pick up their kids, it might not be the best time. You have to balance that tension between giving feedback while the details are still fresh and waiting until they’re ready to hear it.”

But remember that feedback is an exchange between the giver and the recipient. Grounding your constructive criticism in openness and trust is key to being heard. 

“In these moments, the best thing you can do is go back to your desk and write down what happened so that you’re doing a service to yourself,” Eisdorfer suggested. “The next day, you can send a message to your colleague and say, ‘Hey, I was at your presentation yesterday. Do you want some feedback?’”

Here are four situations when you should hold off giving feedback to a coworker, and what to do instead.

1. An employee has violated workplace conduct expectations.

If a colleague acts in a way that goes against your organization’s code of conduct, it’s totally understandable that you’d want to act before something goes boom. But before you do, remember that this feedback moment could be above your pay grade.

What to do: Depending on the nature of the violation, loop in your manager or HR, outlining what happened and when. Make sure to match the urgency of the situation to your communication method — a message might work for lower-stakes concerns to help support conflict resolution, but a quick check-in might be needed for an urgent issue.

2. You’re not clear on what you want to say.

Feedback is a vital mechanism for positive behavior change. But to work, it needs to be crystal clear.

It’s the difference between telling your coworker they need to improve their communication skills and telling them that in the last client project handover, they left out key context that impacted the broader team’s success.

What to do: Pause and zero in on the focus of your feedback. What happened, and which outcome or behavior would you like to highlight? How would you advise them to approach this next time? What is the one goal of giving this feedback?

3. You don’t know the recipient well.

Trust is the foundation of effective feedback. In a 2022 study on feedback receptivity, researchers found that we’re less likely to take feedback on board when we don’t trust the person giving it — or when we suspect that it’s driven by a hidden agenda. 

What to do: If the feedback isn’t immediately urgent, focus on building a relationship with your coworker first, understanding how they work and how they like to receive feedback. That way, when you do share feedback, you can improve its specificity, personalize your delivery, and make it more likely to land. 

4. You feel anxious about giving feedback.

Feedback anxiety is a very real thing. Maybe you’re worried about your feedback backfiring and scared that it could make team meetings awkward. Nobody wants to be that person — but with care and clarity, you can pitch your feedback just right to start a conversation, not a conflict.

What to do: There’s a big difference between constructive criticism and just… being critical. Ask your manager — or theirs, if they’re not directly in your team — for firsthand knowledge on your coworker’s personality, feedback preferences, and communication style to tailor your message effectively.

Best Practices for Giving Constructive Feedback

As the old saying goes, it isn’t what you do — it’s how you do it. Timing and specificity are key, but when paired with empathy, structure, and a clear purpose, feedback becomes a tool for growth.

• Share negative feedback privately. Remember the unique shame of getting scolded in front of the class at school? The same applies at work. If you have negative feedback to share, share it in a private setting. 

• Praise in public. Use team Slack channels or all-hands meetings to share positive feedback about team members and recognize where they’ve gone the extra mile. But remember that not everyone loves the spotlight, so if you’re unsure, check in with them first. 
• Capture the detail. Get into the habit of writing or voicenoting feedback in the moment so you can record the specifics. Later on, this will help you sort fact from fiction.
• Nail the message with AI. If you find giving feedback awkward, generative AI like Lattice AI’s native writing assistant or ChatGPT can help you hit the right tone and level of detail to make sure the message lands. Try these AI prompts as a guide:
  
  • Scan this performance review for bias or overly subjective language.
  • Review this feedback for overly corporate language and make it sound more human and supportive. 
  • Help me adjust this employee performance feedback to provide concrete next steps for a coworker.

Best practice helps you nail the delivery in the moment. But long-term, creating an effective feedback loop is about adapting your approach to support continuous improvement. And maybe getting feedback on your feedback is a bit meta — but it’s a really good gauge of how effective it is at driving behavioral change.

“Feedback is often uncomfortable, but discomfort isn’t a good enough signal that you shouldn’t be giving it,” Eisdorfer said. “You have to get comfortable with the fact that you might not always get it right. Feedback is not a passive process. Learning to get better at it, and asking for your own feedback, means you hold yourself accountable to improving.”

Constructive Feedback Examples for Coworkers

It’s one thing to understand the psychology behind feedback — it’s another to put it into practice. Here are four common scenarios and employee feedback examples that you can use to guide everyday conversations.

1. Recurring Behaviors

When your coworker does their daily sales outreach, you can hear their voice booming across your open-plan office, making customer calls really challenging.

• What to say: “Hey, looks like you’re doing some great work closing that deal. I’ve been having a bit of trouble hearing my own calls when we’re both in meetings at the same time. Would you mind using a phone booth or a headset?”
• Why this works: You’re acknowledging your coworker’s efforts, but also the impact their lack of volume control has on you, and providing a clear action for everyone to work more effectively.

2. One-Off Incidents

In an entire team meeting, a coworker made an awkward joke that felt non-inclusive toward a new hire.

• What to say: “I’m not sure your joke landed the way it was intended. It sounded a little off to me, and I got the sense that it made [coworker] feel uncomfortable. Maybe we could keep that topic off the table in the future?”
• Why this works: In group scenarios, people can often say things off the cuff without realizing how they’re coming across — especially when they don’t know everyone that well. Framing your feedback around impact (not judgment) helps your coworker reflect on what they said.

3. Missed Deadlines

Your coworker has always been a high-performing team member. But recently, they’ve found it harder to meet deadlines, and it’s having a domino effect on your entire team’s product delivery workflow.

• What to say: “Hey, I saw you missed a couple of deadlines recently. Is something up? How can we help?”
• Why this works: Your feedback is framed from an open and empathetic perspective, rather than judgment. This invites conversation on why they’re struggling with their time management skills, and offers help from the rest of the team to get things back on track.

4. Project Feedback

Your coworker is working on a slide deck and talk track for a senior leader to deliver at a conference. They want you to review it for narrative flow and clarity.

• What to say: “Good work on the intro and scene-setting. But the transition into the core argument feels a little abrupt. Maybe we could add a slide or two to bridge that logical leap?”
• Why this works: Your coworker hasn’t approached you for bland praise — they think you have valuable insights to share. Providing targeted, constructive feedback acknowledges their hard work while offering proactive advice on where they can improve.

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