Not every manager naturally excels at leading effective one-on-one meetings with their direct reports. Some struggle to hold these check-ins, while others grapple with how to foster meaningful conversations that bolster employee performance and build a better work environment for their team members. But that doesn’t mean their employees should be deprived of the benefits of one-on-oness — from cleared roadblocks on current projects to a clear career development path.
This article explains why being proactive in one-on-ones can advance your career and how to take the lead using strategies and tools like Lattice 1:1s to ensure conversations drive growth and alignment.
Why Taking the Lead in One-on-Ones Matters
Whether they happen biweekly, monthly, or more frequently, regular one-on-one meetings are among the most important meetings employees have with their managers for career growth, alignment, and mentorship. In fact, four out of five employees who receive meaningful feedback weekly report being fully engaged at work, whether they’re working in person or remotely, according to a 2023 Gallup article.
“When a one-on-one is used to help me be as successful as I can, I will keep rising to that occasion and keep wanting to do the work well because I feel trusted,” said Farrah Mitra, founder and executive coach at Green Reed, a training and coaching firm. “A great one-on-one builds trust, connection, rapport.”
If you’re stuck [with] somebody who can’t lead these meetings...take control of your own destiny.
Yet these conversations often fall short. Many managers lack the training needed to be effective people leaders who can balance day-to-day operations with their employees’ career goals and wellbeing. Deloitte’s 2025 Global Human Capital Trends survey found that 36% of managers believe they’ve not been prepared to lead others. When managers are unprepared, their direct reports lose out as their development derails — unless those employees learn to take the lead themselves.
“If you’re stuck being a subordinate to somebody who can’t lead these meetings properly, it’s always best to not wait,” said Miriam Groom, founder and CEO of career coaching service Mindful Career. “Take control of your own destiny.”
Even individuals with effective managers can benefit from taking ownership of their one-on-ones. Research cited in the Harvard Business Review found that one-on-one meetings are the most successful when employees participate actively and talk between 50% and 90% of the time.
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And the benefits of taking the lead on one-on-ones extend beyond the conversation at a single meeting. Over time, it builds trust and stronger communication with managers, demonstrates initiative and leadership, and ensures that your goals remain on your manager’s radar.
Managers, after all, have limited time to focus on their employees’ growth, Mitra noted. That’s why it’s so important for individuals to lead their own one-on-ones. “I believe in driving meetings, driving your own work, driving your own professional development, because this is you, this isn’t them, and [managers] don’t have time for that,” she said.
How to Take the Lead in Your One-on-Ones
But to lead your one-on-one, you’ll need to do more than jot down a quick list of top-of-mind concerns. The most effective one-on-one conversations begin with deliberate planning, which ultimately makes it easier for managers to provide meaningful support, said Kim-Adele Randall, executive advisor and CEO of consultancy Authentic Achievements.
“If somebody turns up to their one-to-one and they’re well prepared and they know what they’re asking for, it’s really easy for [the manager] to help them,” Randall said.
Here are three ways to take the driver’s seat in your one-on-ones.
1. Set an agenda.
Come prepared by reviewing your current workload and any career path goals you’re working on from your previous performance review, then craft your own agenda. A general meeting agenda might include these three topics, suggested Carrie Missele, a leadership development expert and speaker:
- Current state: Specific projects or workflows needing immediate attention
- Feedback: What both the manager and employee want to share with each other
- Personal goals: Stretch goals, challenges, or other personal development opportunities to tackle in the near future
As you build your agenda, Mitra recommends being direct about your needs. Outline what you’re working on, where you’re doing your best work, and specifically what help you need.
Once the agenda is complete, Mitra advised, send it in advance with a note like this: “Here’s what I want to focus on to make the best use of our time. Can you review this for 15 minutes before we meet?”
Use language that demonstrates that you’re organized and respectful of a manager’s time, making it more appealing for them to engage with you, Mitra recommended. “Especially with a disengaged person, I use the word partnership a lot, like, ‘I really want to partner with you,’ or ‘I really want to leverage your time to make sure we talk about the most valuable things.’”
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2. Balance short and long-term topics.
While one-on-ones often focus on day-to-day project updates, they also present an opportunity to talk about your career trajectory and workplace experience. “If you’re currently feeling a bit disengaged, it’s your opportunity to find a good way of sharing some ways that that could change,” Randall said. Without that input, she said, managers will make assumptions about your goals and place you where they think you fit — not necessarily where you want to be.
At the same time, advised Mitra, don’t cram every single long-term goal into a single one-on-one. In the middle of a big project, one-on-ones often stay focused on pressing project-related issues that need immediate attention, and that’s okay. Separate quarterly or monthly one-on-ones set aside specifically for career progression may make more sense, she said.
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3. Follow up.
Take notes during the conversation. Then, end each one-on-one by documenting agreed-upon priorities and action items for both parties, Randall recommended. Include an executive summary of the discussion and upcoming issues. This approach creates mutual accountability, maintains momentum on key initiatives, and builds a foundation for your next conversation.
For an employee seeking a promotion, for example, action items might include updating their resume and delivering a copy of the job description to the manager. The manager may be tasked with reviewing the job description and giving feedback on areas the employee might need to develop, such as a specific certification or work experience.
“Whoever writes the action plan owns the action plan — and their career,” Randall said.
Lattice makes one-on-ones easier.
Shared agendas, digital tools, and meeting templates that both an employee and manager can contribute to can turn one-on-ones from scattered discussions in a Google Doc to structured, productive meetings. “Using a tool or template will allow everybody to always know where the information is,” Mitra said. “It will allow everybody to know what’s coming up, including how to prepare, what to expect in a one-on-one.”
And you don’t have to start from scratch as you build a one-on-one agenda, pursue follow-ups, and choose the right language. Tools like Lattice 1:1s have done much of the time-consuming work for you.
The product includes customizable templates and workflows. Lattice offers AI-suggested icebreakers and talking points, including professional growth or development prompts, that help avoid awkward silences. Lattice also provides easy access to meeting notes and timeline views, so you can revisit previous conversations and track follow-ups over time.
For new hires, Lattice includes onboarding prompts that encourage setting up recurring one-on-ones early. And for employees seeking to expand conversations to mentors beyond their direct manager, the platform makes setting up skip-level or cross-functional one-on-ones simple.
If your company’s one-on-one tools are going underused — or it doesn’t have tools at all — suggest Lattice 1:1s to your HR team. Take a tour of Lattice to learn how structured, employee-driven one-on-ones can unlock growth, facilitate stronger manager-employee relationships, and champion a goal-setting culture.
Go-To Questions ✨
If you’re not getting regular constructive feedback or development conversations from your manager, these proactive approaches can help you advocate for yourself effectively.
Seek targeted responses.
Instead of waiting for feedback that may never come from a disengaged manager, ask structured open-ended questions like these during one-on-ones, Mitra suggested:
- What’s one thing that went well in the past week, and one thing to focus on next week?
- Where am I hitting expectations, and where should I concentrate my efforts?
Advocate for yourself with empathy.
To address gaps in professional development discussions with your manager and build rapport, Randall suggested a script like this:
- Acknowledge the situation without blame. “I’ve noticed we haven’t had much time to focus on my development.”
- Offer a solution. “Would it be helpful if I brought some updates and priorities for us to review together in our next meeting?”
Find more great one-on-one meeting questions for managers and employees in our comprehensive guide.
Conversation Starter ✨
Projects can stall because of challenges that arise along the way. The key to addressing them in a one-on-one with a disengaged manager is to acknowledge the progress, identify specific obstacles, and make a targeted request, Mitra said. She suggested a script like this:
I want to give you a status update on the project. I know it is really important, and we want it to be successful. Here’s where we are on track, but I want to flag a few things that aren’t on track now, how I’m working to get them back on track, and the one specific thing you can do to help move this forward.
📖 How to Turn Meetings Into Momentum
One-on-ones should be more than a recurring event on your calendar — they should be your most powerful management tool. In this free guide, we break down how to lead conversations that drive results.
